Ages

THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE

      AGE        DRINK
       17         beer
       25         bourbon
       35         vodka
       48         double vodka
       66         Maalox

       AGE        SEDUCTION LINE
        17         My parents are away for the weekend.
        25         My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
        35         My fiance is away for the weekend.
        48         My wife is away for the weekend.
        66         My second wife is dead.


       AGE     FAVORITE SPORT
       17         sex
       25         sex
       35         sex
       48         sex
       66         napping


      AGE     DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
      17         "tongue"
      25         "breakfast"
      35         "She didn't set back my therapy."
      48         "I didn't have to meet her kids."
      66         "Got home alive."


      AGE     FAVORITE FANTASY
      17         getting to third
      25         airplane sex
      35         menage a trois
      48         taking the company public
      66         Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

      AGE     WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
      17         25
      25         35
      35         48
      48         66
      66         17

     AGE      IDEAL DATE

      17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
      25         "Split the check before we go back to my
                    place"
      35         "Just come over."
      48         "Just come over and cook."
      66         "Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas."


THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

      AGE     DRINK
       17         Wine Coolers
       25         White wine
       35         Red wine
       48         Dom Perignon
       66         Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser


      AGE     EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
      17         Need to wash my hair
      25         Need to wash and condition my hair
      35         Need to color my hair
      48         Need to have Francois color my hair
      66         Need to have Francois color my wig


      AGE    FAVORITE SPORT
       17         shopping
       25         shopping
       35         shopping
       48         shopping
       66         shopping


      AGE     DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
      17         "Burger King"
      25         "Free meal"
      35         "A diamond"
      48         "A bigger diamond"
      66         "Home Alone"


      AGE      FAVORITE FANTASY
       17         tall, dark and handsome
       25         tall, dark and handsome with money
       35         tall, dark and handsome with money and a
                  brain
       48         a man with hair
       66         a man


     AGE     WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
       17         17
       25         25
       35         35
       48         48
       66         66


     AGE      IDEAL DATE
      17         He offers to pay
      25         He pays
      35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
      48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the
                 kids
      66         He can chew breakfast

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